Do not change who you are to find love. You cannot love yourself if you are not truly being yourself. Love starts on the inside; it opens you up to receive the love a partner has to give. Highlight who you are. Perceived imperfection is something two people can bond over. If you are direct with yourself, you can be intimate with a date. Confidence is just a true understanding of who you are–a pride in your story.
Gaining self-esteem does not start in the mirror. One must first close their eyes, delve into their collective memory, and figure out who they are. What is my story? No other person–not your parents, your siblings, your friends–can tell your story. This is an amazing aspect of life. Your story is a once in a lifetime event, it has made you who you are, and you get to share it. Whether your life story is that of a fighter, a lover, a victim who overcame, there is a character out there right for your next chapter.
Look in the mirror but do not fixate. All you are checking for: are there any stains on my clothes? Are my teeth free of the spinach I ate for lunch? Hair, makeup, etc., are okay? Lastly, stare into your eyes. Who is looking back? By this point, you have affirmed your story, know your worth, and are ready to introduce a new character to the tale.
Make the first date in a public setting. It can be a mall, a restaurant, or a bowling alley, as long as there is a crowd. The illusion of being part of the crowd provides relief; an individual does not feel up on stage performing a solo in choir. If there is the inevitable moments of silence between the two of you, focus on the crowd noise, it is the safeguard from constantly thinking awkward.
Try to take a breath, and listen more than you talk. There is no opportunity for connection if you have your next words mapped out before they are finished speaking. Little questions build to more intimate questions. The routinely asked: where are you from? Do you have siblings? What do you do for fun? These are not yes, no, one word answers. These simple question are you or them casting a line and hoping for a spark. You listen to their answer, and you cannot believe they love an older sibling the way you do–that you both have nieces and nephews. You are building an intimate bond, or perhaps there is just no chemistry, and that is okay too.
If you don’t want a second date, just be direct while still in public, and no love lost. However, if the small questions built into large questions, and you clicked deeply with the answers, agree to another public date. Later dates are were the new questions dig deep. As the Buddha said: “life is suffering.” At this point, you have dipped your toe, you know if it is the right time to discuss life’s tribulations. If you connect over loves and great pains, then the new thing you two are growing may be ready to flower. You should have a clear sense whether you would feel safe and comfortable alone with them. If the relationship does progress into an intimate relationship make sure you use protection. There has been an increase in STD rates in America for the past 10 years. To prevent contracting an STD get tested regularly and have a discussion with new partners about their sexual history.
Author Bio: Paige Jirsa– I work with https://stdtestingfacilities.com/, which provides users same day STD testing in a discrete and proficient manner.